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Aitch Tizzle

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[02 Mar 2007|04:24pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I am so fucking pissed off. Black Snake Moan isn't playing in ithaca AT ALLLLLksdhjbfisdbfsdubfob they delayed the release date and now i can't see it at all. the closest place it's playing is syracuse. mother fucker. i don't want to drive an hour to go see a movie. ugh. i prolly will end up doing that anyway. moral of the story is... FUCK YOU ITHACA. FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON.

4 hiphop is love

It doesn't make sense [28 Feb 2007|02:10am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

im feeling very nostalgic at the moment. spent the past hour and a half looking through old LJ entries starting at the beginning of 05 i think. weeeird. i wish i had the motivation to write out entire days in detail of my life like i used to. i guess i just really didn't have much to do at home. let's compare, shall we?

then i was:
-miserable, mainly because of my terrible relationship with my parents.
-extremely immature. like, theres not much to say about this.
-really wrapped up in myself. i think just because i was so depressed.
-at the start of a new relationship. y'know all twitterpated and gitty.
-listening to alot of coldplay.
-friends with a whole different crowd.

i dunno. i guess it's just interesting to me. i feel like a complete different person. minus the coldplay thing. i still like them. it's almost like i blocked most of that part of my life out of my head. prolly cause it sucked so hardcore, i can't imagine how that all would have been if i didn't have something (alex) to distract me from it all.

now i am:
-really pleased with my life. friends. future. family.
-in a really good place with my parents
-able to handle my shit
-much more of a social butterfly
-a much more autonomous being

i dunno, i'm having trouble putting into words what i'm trying to get at. i guess i have just been feeling more and more like an adult lately. kinda like that weird teenage inbetween child and adult stage is kinda over. i don't know, im not saying a good relationship with yr parents or confidence in yrself leads to adulthood, nor am i trying to say that growing up gets easier because i can hardly believe that. but... i don't know. i've deffinitely changed alot since then. like, how can so much change is 2 years? and i don't think i give enough credit to how happy i am nowadays. like, shit's good. i am so set.

i am really tired. there is too much to get done before i leave. FUCK. i forgot to call Aubrey tonight. i suck.

y'all should start droppin' me yr email addresses. i ain't doin' this LJ thing on the other side of the world.

today i helped lexi take 2 weeks worth of beer cans/bottles to the bottle return thing in tops. we had 4 garbage bags full. garbage/old beer spilled into my trunk. do you have any idea how nasty that is? also, alot of people were using the recycle bags as garbage so we had to fish beer cans out of garbage. and not any ordinally garbage. like chinese food, raman noodle, gum, hair, pizza crusts etc. nasty shit right there. lex, case and nika used the money to go to taco bell. i couldn't stomach food after that.

that is all.

3 hiphop is love

5 things. [26 Feb 2007|06:07pm]
[ mood | BLAH ]

1. my sleep schedule is fucked.

2. im leaving the country in 6 days.

3. i hate how everytime i put down my headphones, no matter how careful i am, they are ALWAYS tangled when i pick them back up.

4. i am not good at saying goodbye to people. there are alot of people i really wish i didn't have to say goodbye to.

5. i just bought Mos Def's new CD. I'm not so into it. there are a couple good songs but i dunno, it's just dissapointing.

1 hiphop is love

I woke up at 2pm today. And now it's 4:15am. [24 Feb 2007|03:41am]
[ mood | tired ]

alright. i made this mix. i'm fairly pleased with it. it's meant for chilling out, pretty much all of the songs have meaning to me...or i just like the song. it is a little sad, im not gunna lie. but, it's worth a looksie.

1. Brothers On A Hotel Bed - Death Cab For Cutie
2. One Love - U2
3. Trouble - Cat Stevens
4. Mad World - Gary Jules
5. The Perfect Fit - The Dresden Dolls
6. Amsterdam - Coldplay
7. No Surprises - Radiohead
8. The Great Below - NIN
9. I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You - Colin Hay
10. Give My Love To Rose - Johnny Cash
11. Us And Them - Pink Floyd
12. Pretty Good Year - Tori Amos
13. Passenger Seat - Death Cab For Cutie
14. Karma Police - Radiohead
15. Space Oddity - David Bowie
16. Don't Cry - Guns n Roses
17. Inherited Scars - Sage Francis
18. You Never Know - Immortal Technique
19. Cry For Everything Bad That's Ever Happened - Le Tigre
20. Everything Will Be Alright - The Killers
21. Comptine D'un Autre Été: L'après Midi - Yann Tiersen

ta da! ch-ch-ch-ch-chck it out.

2 hiphop is love

[23 Feb 2007|03:28pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]


Black Snake Moan doens't come out in Ithaca until March 2nd! Cocksuckingtittyfucker!!

3 hiphop is love

[14 Feb 2007|09:05pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I am so sad. There is so much snow outside. I am stuck at home tonight. I have seen no friends today, how lonely is that. When I woke up this morning the back porch looked like this:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I really don't want to be stuck out here. I was planning on going to Garth's tonight but my car wouldn't get out of the driveway. It went about 10 feet out and got stuck. I had to dig it back out to get it to go back into the garage. Then I thought I'd make two nice little pathways going down the driveway for my wheels, but once I got all geared up and ready, I looked out into the snowy, cold abyss and went back inside.

I promised Eleanor sledding/fort building and hot chocolate tomorrow on account of my lack of participation in friendyfriend fun tonight. That should be fun. Hopefully the plowman will come tomorrow.

The snow drift on the back porch is more then three feet. My mom made me measure it.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

So... yeah, cool. I wonder what's on TV.

6 hiphop is love

Let me clear my throat.. [12 Feb 2007|12:52am]
[ mood | lonely ]

- Last night someone said Wyclef sucked. That upset me. What upset me even more is when i asked him what he thought sucked about Wyclef he told me the one song he'd ever heard Wyclef in was Hips Don't Lie w/ Shakira. UGH.

- Vivian left for Israel on Wednesday morning. I'm not gunna see her until May 26th. It already feels like she's been gone for years.

+ I'm gunna either fix my broken camera or get a new one!

+, - I'm overwhelmed by my music. There's too much to listen to. When I scroll down to listen to something specific I get distracted by something else and forget what I wanted to originally listen to.

- I just put alot of effort into making a cheesy, melty tortilla goodness only to discover that the cheese on my delicious treat had gone. ick.

+ I hung out with Annika and Romana on saturday. I miss those kids. They're great. We watch the L word on sundays together now.

yeah, that's all. I forget how to update LJ.

7 hiphop is love

i don got tagged. [04 Feb 2007|07:38pm]
RULES: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tags back.

1. I often sing in my car when I'm driving by myself.

2. Usually I perfer my shower water to be cold rather then hot.

3. I'm really OCD about my buddy list on AIM. like, everytime I'm not checking someone's away message or profile (etc.) I have to have the little yellow highlighter over my name.

4. I never remember a time in my life where I had long/normal finger nails.

5. I have a really hard time letting people down or saying no. I take after my pa.

6. When I used to play hockey, when I was like 10, for a couple of Big Red's (Cornell) ice hockey games I would dress up as the little cub bear mascot and skate around the ice/dive into the goal during halftime with the grown up bear mascots... but I wasn't allowed on the ice until the zambonee was done. too dangerous.

7. I hate putting on layers of clothing. Hense why I dislike winter so much.

8. I was almost named Independence. Guess why.

9. I haven't let my natural hair color grow out since I was like 10 or 11.

10. I found my cat on the side of the highway. I named her Luna because I was obsessed with Sailor Moon. I was cool.

Ta DAH! I tag errr Meghan, Che, Vivian, Annika, Alex, Dustin, Neo, Ryan C-d, Romana annnnd YOU. who is not on my list.
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[24 Jan 2007|05:00pm]

Which 'Home Movies' character are you?

You are Melissa
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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Fuck you winterwonderland. [14 Dec 2006|11:26am]
I swear to god if I hear one more Christmas carol, song, jingle, tune, melody, verse, or ditty I will blow a motha fuckin' gasket.

I hate this time of year.
3 hiphop is love

[11 Sep 2006|12:53am]
[ mood | cold ]

hmmm. back to livejournal.
i have trouble writing in this nowadays, something about the computer screen. doesn't seem very inspirational for free thought. we'll see.
so, lately i've felt like my head is going to explode. which is prolly why im turning to my livejournal at the only peaceful free moment i have to possibly slow down my thoughts a little. it's 12:15 am. im home, at my parents house in lansing. moms been asleep for hours. dad is in connecticutt for some reason or another. meghan is at her apt. tyler left like an hour ago back to his place. weird. im enjoying Yann Tiersen's music from Amelie on my ipod which is up and working again. i WAS waiting for all my music from my upstairs to download into my laptop but that got all sorts of fucked up and im too lazy to start over. maybe tomorrow.
shit is chill.
so, lansing life is hell. i've prolly spent a total of 6 hours in this house since i "moved" back on friday. see, by the 25th i have to go in and talk to the lovely people at the DMV about a letter i got in the mail that was notifying me of a license suspension. so, for 2 months im stuck out in lansing WITHOUT a car. i don't know how im going to survive. it just sucks when all my friends, all the things i like to do, everything is downtown and im out here in the sticks. it leaves important time to sit and think though, which i guess is usefull.
im trying to get settled somewhere before i lose my license. i've been looking at apt's in ithaca for myself or even possibly my friend eleanor also. it sounds far-fetched but i don't think it will be physically possible for me to stay in this house. i feel like i can't breathe when im out here. it's like the walls are caving in on me.
my parents want me to travel. ugh. i mean, it's great. im glad they're supportive of me getting out and going, and doing. but it's frustrating because i just don't feel like im at that place in my life to do that right now. i need to be settled. i need ground beneath my feet. i certainly don't feel enough emotional stability or support. i at least need the physical place to have as my own and to escape to and chill the fuck out if need be. anyway, they keep mentioning that i "need to have a plan" which translates into their need to watch and control me and put me on some kind of schedule. because please, failure is too likely without expectation and direction. and it's like yes, i would like some sort of stable plan that i can follow, but not with the pressure they throw onto me. i need balence.
a job would be nice. it's just frustrating that my driving privileges are being taking away. makes it harder to get around. like to a job. it would be even harder if i wasn't able to get an apt downtown.
still can't help questioning myself. am i making the right decisions? should i stay here? am i happy here? am i staying here for the right reasons? should i go to northampton? is that even a likely possibility? would i be able to travel? has my anxiety gone away or is it just waiting for the perfect time to resurface? is that holding me back from what i want to do? do i want to go to college? should i have started school this year instead of taking a year off? am i doing enough with my life? why do others seem so fearless and brave to me? why can't i be more like them?

also, it's geting cold outside. soon im gunna regret not getting my act together and going to california. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

love you all, hope everyone is in good health and in good hands. i wish happy thoughts to you all.

2 hiphop is love

I want confrontation. [26 Aug 2006|01:32am]
Tell me what you really think of me.
8 hiphop is love

[15 Sep 2005|05:57pm]
[ mood | bored ]

just wanted to share that with you all.

2 hiphop is love

[10 Sep 2005|01:49pm]

omg i've forgotten how much i love this fucking song.

reminds me of my love, Jeffrey. sigh.

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Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you. [21 Aug 2005|07:57pm]
[ mood | i wish i was at P.C. ]

hi guys. im back again. camp was fun. i'll prolly get to pictures later.
being home is hard. and painful. and painfully hard. hardly painful? no. i don't really know how to start this entry. theres alot going on in my mind that i just can't seem to put into words.

me and alex went to the mall today. little children pointed and stared. old people shook their heads. WHAT? ugh. this world pisses me off. probably one of the hardest transitions for me is from coming from a community of people who love me for me and not for anything else and then coming here and being stared down because im not exactly yr average cookie. even in the confides of my own fuckin home. my father laughed at my mohawk. "thats uhhh.. uhhh.. very interesting heather.. uhh". i hate being classified to the rest of the world as a "punk". as a "kid". a "trouble maker". when i was younger i enjoyed freaking people out, it was kinda my way of thinking i was different. but no, im different in so many ways from everyone else, i don't need blue hair, ripped clothes and peircings to show it off. me and al went to friendlys earlier. when we walked in, the man (not making eye contact) stared me and alex down and frowned. he asked if we had made a reservation. uhhh what? there were like 8 people in there. he then told us he could probably find a spot for us. wtf. im so sick of that shit. it's ridiculous. people expect respect from those they don't even have to decency to treat fairly. how are the youth of today supposed to grow into loving and good people without being given that example. i mean, am i really that different from the rest of the world? from anyone?? how am i supposed to change this world into a betetr place if everyone treats me like an outcast, like a punk, like a fuckin PROBLEM. people are so fuckin scared of eachother, scared of their differences that they forget the good things about eachother. sigh. i feel bad for them. i feel bad for their blindness, but at the same time, they choose to be blind. hmph.

i really want to get drunk. not like me to feel like that. it's just the summer days. speaking of which, post camp is going on right now. sigh. im missing it. :(

lets see, what else is on my mind?

had a good talk with alex last night. i feel like i can't go into the details (too personal), but it was what i needed. it was tearing me up to keep it to myself. some of you know what im talking about. actually, only like one. anyway, the point is. although hard still, i feel like i can breath again.

being home is just difficult in general. i slept 15 hours last night. woke up by myself. that was sad. one of my favorite parts of camp is waking up in someones arms. sigh.

i need more. i guess i ask too much of this place.

i've lost my train of thought. more later.

but... im not too disapointed about going back to school. school = friends. school = driving school = lisence. school = my diploma = moving away from here.

13 hiphop is love

[22 Jun 2005|12:23am]
i hate this house.

tylers not here, why do I have to be here?
4 hiphop is love

[05 Jun 2005|09:26pm]
lightheaded. everything spinning. not good.
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[02 Jun 2005|10:38pm]
also, alex gave me a bunch of blank cd's that come in pretty blue cases. they make me really really happy.
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[07 May 2005|12:49pm]
[ mood | it's nice outside ]

yesterday = slope day.
very tired in the morning.
we ate chocolate in spanish. yay.
i hate slope day. so many drunk college students ALL DAY. the bars were hoppin' with gross boys and ditzy girls by 11 30!!! WTF? i yelled at them. they should get a life.
vicki came by after school. jimmy took us to the slope cuz we wanted to check it out(Snoop Dogg and The Game were preforming). so we wander around looking for a nice place to sit(Alex and Jack just wanted to jump the fence, silly kids). we went down the slope near the entrance, and we're just standin around, causing no trouble, watching drunk CORNELL students. so this fucking DICK cop comes by, cuz y'know, the PUNKS that ARN'T DOING ANYTHING are more dangerous then drunk 20 years olds wandering around in broad daylight. so he says something to us and alex has to act dumb so shes like "Hi!" and waves. he fucking yells at us, "i din't say HI, im saying BYE" and were like "what?" anyway the fucking dick harrased us until we left with some shit like this is private property (which yes, the land is owned by Cornell, but a. OUR SCHOOL is ON the CAMPUS OF CORNELL and b. it's fuckin slope day) and he says how we could get arrested and fined 250 bucks. fucking douche. so we go up the hill and hang out for a while. there was this guy who lost his shoes and as i put it, looked a little "sloped out" he went a peed behind a bush and was waving his winkie in the air. and WE'RE the ones who get harrassed? wtf. then we saw this other guy with these huge glasses, cowboy hat and hawaiian shirt who just wandered around look for people, slurring his words and everything, the stereotypical drunk. we chilled there for a bit and listened to the shitty repetitive rap and we were almost on our way when WHO DO WE SEEEE??? the same two fucking cops!! they come STRAIGHT over to us. the dick is like "yr leaving now" and at this point alex was pissed so she pulled out her Cascadilla/Cornell ID thing and was like "yo i fuckin LIVE on this campus back off" sort of thing. and he didn't really know what to do. so he told us to go back to cascadilla. i just stared at the big pig and smiled like a crazy person. fuckin dick. so we just left cuz it was lame anyway. i yelled "PIIIGGGG" as i was leaving and jack fuckin screamed "COPS ARE DICKS" like 4 or 5 times. it was great.
went back to the dorms. jack drew a face on my back. i cried. it tickled SO MUCH. but what a great picture. it was a crazy man with a dooooobie. hilarious.
me and alex went to see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. she thought she wouldn't like it. she was mistaken. it was awesome! and AHHHH MOS DEF was amazing. i loved his character. and alex liked Marvin, the depressed robot. it was good fun.
vicki came over after she got out of work. more fun. we ate alot of food. it was great, as i was going to bed, i took off my shirt to change and she saw the man on my back and is like "Heather... what the FUCK is on yr back?!?" i fell off the bed i laughed so hard.

y'know, i've been thinking about how much i've changed in a year. like, it went by so fast. i was talking to vicki about how it was an entire year ago that that shit happened with Zach and Bobby at patty's cinco de mayo party. crazy. so much different. like, my head was in a total different place then. and it still is now. i just have to get myself back on track.
yesterday me and Janan quoted LOTR:
"i wish the ring hah never come to me"
"so do all that live thru such times, but that is not for them to decide. all we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us."
so true gandulf, my man.

so yeah, thats me in a nutshell. mmm nutshell.

4 hiphop is love

[01 May 2005|01:33pm]
today. today is a good day.



everyone watch tonight. history will be made.
6 hiphop is love

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